Alone In My Thoughts
by CookieCuttersRAWR
Summary: Amu Hinamori, age 14. Her family is gone, her guardian characters are sealed in "X" eggs, and  life has left many scars, on both her heart and wrists. So what happens when Amu decides to leave it all behind? AMUTO. Cutters Prevention club-"Cookie Cutters"
1. Tripping Over Rocks

Alone In My Thoughts Chapter: 1

Summary: Amu Hinamori, age 14. Her family is gone, her guardian characters are sealed in "X" eggs, and life has left many scars, on both her heart and wrists. So what happens when Amu decides to leave it all behind?

Normal POV-

The young pinkette shuffled her feet along the sidewalk, lost in her thoughts. Her cotton candy locks blew gently in the wind. The sun was just setting, quite a scene. However, in Hinamori Amu's world, nothing was beautiful. Everything she ever knew was a lie. This was realized after the sudden kidnapping of her younger sister, Ami. After two weeks of praying for the little girl to come home safely, Ami was found. Dead. Amu was forced the truth; Life is a sick and twisted place, along with the people in it, and no matter how much you try, you can never change it. In the following weeks, Amu's mother, Midori, committed suicide, saying 'She couldn't handle the pain'. Amu's father started drinking, and he would rarely come home. When he was home, he only yelled and abused her. He complained that she was using up all his money for 'clothes' or 'food', while in reality, his paycheck went towards the bar two blocks over. After three months, he stopped coming home. Amu packed a suite case, along with her eggs, which all had "X"s on them, and what little food she had left...

Amu Pov-

"I lost it. I thought life over, time after time, yet I couldn't find an answer."

I thought aloud. My eyes searched the trees for a clearing, however they only found their way to my wrist, hidden by a long sleeved shirt and wrist bands.

"I can't tell you how much I wish I had someone to tell... Someone to love, someone to love me." I said to a tree.

"Yes, I, Hinamori Amu, age 14, am talking to a tree. Why, well, for a second, I thought I saw mama's face on the bark... Yup, I'm losing it."

I made my way to the park, my only source of tranquility.

"It's Tuesday, and once again, I'm skipping school. I feel too tired for school, not physically though. I just don't want to be bothered... Maybe this is a phase? Mama always used to talk to me about 'Teenage Phases' and 'How to Not Become a Rebel'. Man, I miss Mama..." I was ripped out of my thoughts by a loud thump behind me. I turned to see him.

"Stupid rock." He mumbled.

"Of great. He's here..." I thought in a sarcastic tone.

Ikuto Pov-

I was walking through the park when I heard a soft voice.

"I can't tell you how much I wish I had someone to tell... Someone to love, someone to love me."

... "Amu?"

I got a closer and saw that she was mumbling to herself, inaudible words that I presume weren't meant for my ears. I chara changed with Yoru and used my cat ears to eavesdrop.

"Tuesday... Tired..." Then she sighed. "Mama. I miss Mama..."

I was getting closer, trying to understand her words, but I tripped on a rock.

"Stupid rock." I mumbled while ruffling a stick out of my hair.

I felt eyes on me, and looked up to see lifeless golden orbs.

"Woah..." I thought aloud...

What happened to her? And why does she have a suite case?...

Amu Pov-

I was staring at him, scared that he had heard.

"Woah..." Was all he said.

"What?" I replied, obviously annoyed, with my 'Cool and Spicy' character mode ON. He just stared at me. Then, he asked me the questions that I prayed he wouldn't ask.

"Why aren't you in school? Where are you going?"... I didn't have an answer to that. I was leaving, and that was all I knew.

I stuttered a little, "I-I d-don't know..."

Then he asked, "Do you want to stay with me...?"

"PERVERT!" I started throwing 'stupid' rocks at him.

"OWWW! Amu! It wouldn't be just you and me! Utau would be there, remember? Oy , was my little strawberry thinking weird things again?" He replied while smirking.

"No! I wasn't!" I yelled defiantly, pouting.

"Fine, you're coming to my house." Now he had a huge smirk on his idiotic face.

"His stupid, stupid, handsome, dreamy, sexy-" Amu mentally smacked herself for thinking that. A faint blush was visible upon her cheeks.

"Wait, so we're going to y-your h-house?..." Shit, I stuttered again. Strike two.

"Yes, now hold on tight."

"Is it just me, or do you ALWAYS carry me?" I asked him, and then I decided to look down... Not my best idea.

"IKUTO! DON'T DROP ME!" I screamed as he darted from rooftop to rooftop.

Ikuto only held on tighter, while simply smiling. Wait, what? He smiles?

**Cookie: So, how was it so far? I'm new to this. :)**

**Amu: Why do I have to be depressed?**

**Ikuto: Yeah, why does she have to wear all that clothing and-**

**Amu: I-ku-to... *Flames***

**Cookie: Umm... Hope you enjoyed! I do not own Shugo Chara or its characters!**

**Amu/Ikuto: You got that right. :|**


	2. Help me, Ikuto

Alone in my Thoughts, Chapter 2.

Amu Pov-

We finally got to Ikuto's house, where I witnessed his everyday 'welcome home' greeting. Utau. All over. She's my best friend, but even I didn't know her brother complex was this bad. She went after him left and right, up and down, but Ikuto knew all her tricks. He finally got tired of dodging her attacks and grabbed me. I was about to protest, but he leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"You seem tired. Let's go to my room, Amu-koi." He looked at me and smirked, then carried me bride- style.

"N-n-no! I'm wide awake! R-right Utau?" I stuttered, blushing a deep red, desperately searching her face for a sign that she would help me, but she just stared at Ikuto and I, a dark aura of hate surrounding her.

I swallowed and looked at Ikuto. Hoping he was only joking.

"Come on, Amu." He slowly pronounced each part of my name.

I tucked my head into his shoulder, not wanting him to see anymore of my blushing face.

Ikuto Pov-

I carried her up the stairs, careful not to break her. I stopped and looked out the window. My eyes made their way down to Amu, and I realized how cute she looked in the moonlight. It made her hair look extra silky, and her skin looked really soft. All in all, she looked like my Amu.

"My sweet, tiny, cute, gullible, and selfless Amu." She looked up at me, her eyes strong and golden, as well as slightly tired.

"She's back." I thought to myself, and smiled at her, admiring her radiance. She softly smiled at back, and then laid her head on my shoulder again. I continued up the stairs, managed to open my door, and laid her on my bed. She was already asleep.

"I love you, Amu." I whispered, then I leaned down and kissed her lips. They were soft... Just like the rest of her. I laid down on the bed. She mumbled a little in her sleep, but I reassured her.

"Don't worry, your pervert kitty cosplay is here to protect you." I smiled as she rolled over and hugged me, and I cuddled her back. "Ikuto." She breathed. I looked at her, actually nervous. I closed my eyes.

That night, I fell asleep with my little strawberry in my arms.

Next day:

Amu Pov-

I woke up to the feeling of a warm breeze on my face. I looked up to see a sleeping Ikuto.

"He looks just like a kitten." I whispered to myself, and then giggled. Wait, why was I in the same bed as Ikuto? I pried his arms off me and flew to the nearest wall, trying to figure out why he had been cuddling me.

After all, we have no relationship. I'm a freak, and he's a pervert stalker kitty boy.

God, what am I doing. Everyone left me, he will too. He only cares for me as a little sister. He might not even care for me that way... I'm probably just his little play toy. He'll leave me, just like them... He'll leave me broken, when I need him most.

I slowly reached into my pocket, remembering I had left my razor blade in my pocket. After Ami died, I started carrying it everywhere... I carefully reached for it, afraid I might drop it, and brought it down to my wrists. I cut once, then twice, forgetting the pain in my heart. I looked down and realized that the fresh wounds wouldn't stop bleeding. Then I heard Ikuto stir in bed, and I silently prayed he wouldn't see me. I hid my wrists behind my back when his eyes opened.

Ikuto Pov-

I woke up to someone grabbing at my arms. I finally opened my eyes.

"Aww Amu, you're ready to play already?" I said with a smirk as I looked over at her. My smirk dropped, Amu was scared. She was huddled up against my wall, shaking, and her eyes had lost their shine, again.

"Amu. AMU!" I yelled, grabbing her attention. She slowly looked over. She was confused. I slowly walked over and sat next to her by the wall.

"What's wrong, Amu?" She wouldn't answer me.

"Am-" I started

"Ikuto, why are you doing this for me? Why are you just leading me on?" A silent tear fell from her face.

"Amu. I'm not leading you on. I care about you... I really do." I wiped the tear off her face, and she laid her cheek in my palm.

"If you really care about me, then why am I here? All the people who ever cared are gone, and you're just adding yourself to the list." I thought for a moment. Woah, that was deep.

"Amu, of course I care for you. I always have, and if I ever have to sacrifice myself for you, I will do it out of love."

"I-Ikuto." I sadly smiled at her, wiping another tear from her eye.

"Ikuto, you may die, proud that I didn't, but did you ever stop to think about how that would feel for me?" Tears fell from her eyes as I gently caressed her cheek.

"Amu. Everyone dies at sometime, it's not controlled. The point of love is not to hold onto someone, it is to love to the fullest, everyday, so when their time comes, they can leave, happy that they were loved. Happy that they have someone to love. Amu, you will always be loved, even if the one loving you is only alive in your memories... Love is everything." I finished by leaning in, almost to her lips, but I changed my direction and kissed away the tear on her cheek. She looked shocked, then she jumped forward and hugged me, her face between my neck and shoulder, and she let out all the sadness that she had ever held in.

"H-help me. Iku-." She didn't finish.

I felt her body go limp, and then I saw blood. A lot of it. I found the source. Her arms, her wrists.

"Oh my God, Amu?" I tried to shake her awake. She wouldn't open her eyes, and her pulse was faint. I yelled to Utau to call 911, and wrapped my shirt around her wrists.

"Amu. Don't die on me. I know what I just said, but I'm not ready to let you go... "

**Amu: I'm dying. What the hell, Cookie?**

**Cookie: SORRY! I put "hurt/comfort", didn't I? So HAH, I WIN!**

**Ikuto: You could never win, Cookie. Even your mother is embarrassed around you. FAN-GIRL. **

**Cookie: :O Oh no you didn't. DEATH CLAW! (xD! Hah, I'm writing the story, so I get to do whatever I want!)**

**Ikuto: *pulls out knife***

**Amu: IKUTO. Put. It. DOWN. Now. *death glare***

**Ikuto: Fine, but she doesn't own us! Or Shugo Chara!**

**Cookie: What-Evs. Psshhh. Oh, rate and review please. ^~^**


	3. Sinking, Floating Love?

_Recap:_

_"H-help me, Iku-." She didn't finish._

_I felt her body go limp, and then I saw blood. A lot of it. I looked and saw that it was pouring from her wrists._

_"Oh my God, Amu?" I tried to shake her awake. She wouldn't open her eyes, and her pulse was faint. I yelled to Utau to call 911, and wrapped my shirt around her wrists._

_"Amu. Don't die on me. I know what I just said, but I'm not ready to let you go... "_

**Utau Pov-**

I have no Idea what happened between Amu and Ikuto. After their little love fest last night, I figured I'd wake up to a mushy couple on the couch. Ugh, just thinking about it was gross. My best friend and brother… *Shiver*… Boy was I wrong. Instead I woke up to Ikuto screaming to me to call 911, the tone in his voice clearly stating an emergency. I ran to the phone and called 911.

"911 operator. What is your emergency?" The sound of the woman's voice calmed me slightly.

"I-I don't know! It's my friend! My brother told me she passed out and she's losing a lot of blood…" I gave her our address and opened the gates to our house.

"An ambulance is on its way," She assured me. I waited outside our mansion, ready to signal the emergency crew.

**Ikuto Pov-**

I waited and waited, increasing pressure on Amu's wounds.

"Amu…" I sighed. Why hadn't she told me that she felt this way, before? I thought she told me everything… After all, we're childhood friends. Well, we used to be. After a feud between our families, we weren't allowed to visit, but we would sometimes secretly meet up at the park, just us kids. Our parents didn't even notice. We would hang out a lot at school too, but Amu hasn't been at school lately…

I heard Utau yelling.

"WHAT?" I yelled back, not hearing.

"THE PARAMEDICS ARE HERE!" She yelled back to me. I picked up Amu, still applying pressure to her wrists, and brought her down to the Ambulance.

"Sir, only family are allowed to come with the patient. Are you family?" The paramedic questioned.

"Yes, me and her are relatives." I replied while pointing to Utau.

"Hop in, quickly. The patient is losing blood, and at a fast rate."

**Amu Pov-**

I was under water. Every time I tried to swim to the surface, I sank. I had begun to cry, and then I realized that I could breathe underwater. I still needed air. I needed land. No, I needed something on land.

"_Love, my dear." _A soft voice whispered to me.

"Mama?" The tears formed again, and I couldn't help but shake as I sank lower and lower.

"_Amu, baby. What do you need?" _She asked calmly.

"Y-You, Mama." My voice shook.

"_No, honey. What did you tell Ikuto last night? What did he tell you?"_

"He told me about love…?"

"_Amu, what are you looking for?" _This time, her voice had hope.

"Love?..." I replied, unsure.

"_Amu, what do __YOU __want? You need to be sure of yourself. Then you will find it, have confidence." _I felt a long arms embrace me in a hug.

"I want hugs… I want love." I knew tears were falling, but they just blended with the rest of the ocean around me.

"_Good job, Amu. I love you, and I always will."_

My body started to float, and I swam to the surface. I broke it, and inhaled air. I opened my eyes. I saw Ikuto, his sleeping face just inches from me. Around us I saw a white room. Flowers. I heard a steady beeping. I realized I was on a bed. I had bandages around my wrists.

"Love, huh?... Ikuto saved me." I said to myself, shocked.

"_Yeah, he did, honey. He saved you, because he loves you. Amu, don't make my mistake, please don't. Don't lose hope. Deep down, I know you have the same feelings for him. Just ask Dia, she's the reason I'm here." _

"Dia? You know about her? How? She has an 'X' on her…"

"_Check again, when you get back to Ikuto's house. Oh, and honey, I really am sorry, about Daddy too. He loves you, he really does."_

"I know, Mama. It's okay, I love you too. Goodnight." I closed my eyes, letting sleep take over.

"Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Utau. Thank you, Ikuto…" I fell into a new dream, about a new dream, one about violins, teacup rides, angels, and taiyaki…

**Cookie: Okay, so how was this chapter?**

**Amu: It was pretty good, a mother/daughter moment.**

**Ikuto: First I'm scared, then I'm sleeping while she's in pain. What are you trying to do to my reputation?**

**Cookie: Ehh, sorry Ikuto-nyan. :3**

**Ikuto: *Kitty ears and tail* Hush. *Sexy grin***

**Cookie: I don't fall for that crap. *Inside- Fan girl screaming***

**Amu: HEY! You have an outer character too! *shocked face***

**Cookie: Errr… No I don't. … *Sweating heavily* YOU HAVE NO PROOF!**

**Midori: Aww, I'm just the greatest mother, aren't I.**

**Ikuto: A little late there, Mom. *smirk***

**Amu: *Blushing like crazy* She's my mom, and will never be yours!**

**Cookie: Umm, I'm just gonna leave now. Remember to rate and review! Oh, and I don't own Shugo chara OR its characters.**

**PS:**

Amu- 14

Ikuto- 16

Utau- 15

Kukai- 15

Yaya- 13

Tadase- 14

Nagihiko- 14

Nadeshiko- 14

Rima- 14

Kairi- 13

Lulu- 15

Midori(was)- 32

Tsumugu- 36

Ami(was)- 4

Yukari- 27


	4. Hospital Pests

Alone In My Thoughts chapter 4

**Ikuto Pov-**

I felt Amu move a little. I woke up immediately, ready to call the doctor, but she mumbled, smiling.

"You and your mumbling, Hinamori Amu." I smiled a little, remembering our incident at the park. (_Back in chapter one. If you don't remember, go back and read!)_

Just as I was falling asleep, a doctor walked in.

"How is she? Doctor?..." I have no idea, to be honest… Oh my God, what if she's in a coma?

The doctor chuckled, "She's not in a coma, boy." I face palmed for thinking out loud… again.

"However…" This got my attention.

"However, she may not want to wake up. She seems to be having a good dream." We both looked over to see her giggling in her sleep.

"Based on my experiences, she seems to be visiting someone loved. Maybe a mother? Father? Sibling?.."

"Wait, why would she visit them? How could they visit her, I mean, it's one o'clock in the afternoon, why would anyone be sleeping now?" I questioned, confused.

"Oi, lad, no one told you?" The doctor questioned me. He must have seen the look of confusion on my face, and he motioned me over to his computer. He started scanning files.

"H-Hey, what are you doing?" He was searching death records.

"There you go. Hinamori death records." He replied while pointing to the screen. I looked closer.

"No.. You've got to be kidding me…" Under Hinamori were four listings. Two I didn't recognize, but the other two I knew very well.

"Ami… And … When?" The doctor pointed to a column by their names. He read aloud.

"Ami Hinamori, age 4. Kidnapped from a local park. Found one week later, deep in the mountains, body left to decompose. It was guesstimated that she had died within the third day of the kidnapping. Cause of death: Strangulation. The murderer was never found." I stopped, realizing Amu was now whimpering in her sleep. I hope she didn't hear me. I moved onto the next article.

"Midori Hinamori, age 32. Found hanging from a tree in her backyard with a note. Note details are confidential. Cause of death: Suicide. Midori Hinamori left behind her young daughter and husband."

"Oh my God… I didn't know. No one told me… She didn't tell me…" I said, my voice shaking from shock.

"I'm not surprised. Most kids tend to try and work out things on their own. There may have been another secret she was keeping. Maybe she was scared?" The doctor explained.

"I still don't understand one thing. If Amu is in the hospital, where is her dad?" I questioned, again. You'd think the doctor would be annoyed by now.

"Already looked into it. No one has seen him for a month. I doubt Amu's seen him either." We both looked over at her. She was so peaceful, and the sun was shining on her. She looked like an angel, born from the rays of the sun. The doctor cleared his throat, getting my attention.

"You know, I've worked with kids like her before. You may want to try and get her to join a circle group. Maybe a cutting prevention club?" I thought on this. I actually had two friends other than Amu who cut.

"Would it be okay if I started a group?" I asked the doctor, not sure.

"Get a teacher or qualified adult and you're good to go." I noted this. I guess I need to find an adult… Just then the doctor's pager went off.

"Well, I gotta go save lives. Take care of her, Ikuto." He left with a wink.

"Shit, he knows my name and who I like… Can someone spell pedobear?" I mumbled to myself, walking to Amu.

"I HEARD THAT!" The doctor yelled, in a deathly tone, from down the hall. Amu sat up straight, ready to sprint.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" She screamed, scared of the voice that woke her up.

"It was nothing, Amu. Go back to sleep." I commanded her. She looked over at me, and I smiled, a real smile.

**Amu Pov-**

He smiled at me. Oh my God, he smiled at me. HE WENT TO JARED'S! No, not really, he just smiled at me, which was way better than any diamond ring.

I suddenly felt lonely, missing the presence of my mother.

"N-Neh, I-I-Ik-Iku-Ikuto…" I stuttered, AGAIN.

"Yeah, Amu?" Wow, he wasn't flirty this time, he was actually concerned. I took the chance…

"W-w-w-wo-would you…" I was blushing like a tomato right now.

"Would I what, Amu? Spit it out already!" He exclaimed, annoyed and impatient.

"WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH ME?" I was covering my face with my blanket, not sure if he'd say yes or no.

"I'm sorry, nevermi-" I was cut off my an arm snaking around my waist.

"'Cmon, A-m-u." He smirked playfully as he got into the bed. I turned, my face now facing his, mine red, and his slightly pink. He reached for the buttons on my gown…

"NOT THAT WAY IKUTO!" I cried out, holding my gown to my body.

"Okay. What made you want to sleep with me anyway? " He asked, first showing his upset kitty face, then a sexy grin.

"I was lonely." I admitted it. He hugged me, burying my face between his neck and shoulder. He smelled like… Lavendar…

"You've been lonely all this time. I'm sorry for not noticing sooner." He apologized, pulling me closer. I looked up to him, for he was the first man to ever know my feelings before I did. He was now ontop of me, arms holding me captive. He leaned down, and I leaned in to kiss him… The door was kicked in.

**Utau Pov-**

Amu had been in the hospital for three days now, so I decided to stop by. On the way there, I ran into Kukai and Nagi. Nagi then spotted Yaya and Rima. Rima called Lulu, who called Tadase. Tadase was with Nadeshiko, so she went with him. Yaya then decided she wanted more ice cream, but we all know she went to secretly invite Kairi. She had a HUGE crush on him. ANYWAY, in the end, we all ended up walking to the hospital together. On the way we grabbed a chocolate cake with strawberries, plates, and eating utensils. We finally got to the main desk, and I was about to ask for Amu's room number.

"Yaya wants Hinamori Amu-chi please!" Boy, was Yaya excited to see Amu… Or to eat the cake. We got the room number and went to her door. We couldn't hear anything… I got closer to the door, still nothing.

"Yaya thinks Amu-chi is dead!" Yaya cried to herself in a hushed, scared tone. While Kairi tended to Yaya, I kicked in the door. I looked in, and saw Ikuto. Under him was Amu. They were just an inch away from sucking on each other's faces.

"WHAT THE FUCK NUGGETS?" We all screamed, Tadase being especially loud. Yaya had a combined look on her face, of pure embarrassment and horror.

"Amu-chan!" Tadagay cried like the little girly boy he was.

"Oh crap." Amu and Ikuto said in unison. Kukai dropped the cake, his mouth still wide open.

"So… You're together…?" I asked Ikuto. He nodded, and winked at Amu.

"P-P-P-Pe-Per-Pervert!" She screamed, pointing at Ikuto. We all sweat dropped. Same old Amu. Same old Ikuto.

**Cookie: Okay, guys, should I even continue this story? It's my first fic, and I haven't gotten ANY reviews… **

**Su: Don't worry, Cookie-desu, we can always make cookies! **

**Ikuto: Yeah, make me some cookies, Cookie… xD**

**Amu: I'm sad as well, Cookie. I thought we were popular characters?..**

**Ikuto: We are.. She's turning us ugly. Shield your eyes, Amu-koi. -smirks-**

**Cookie: :O I am not ugly! Rude… ANYWAY, I don't own shugo chara or its characters!**

**Ikuto: You c-**

**Cookie: -Smacks Ikuto in the head- AS I WAS SAYING. Rate and Review! Otherwise, I'll stop this story. -death glare-**


	5. The beginning of Cookie Cutters?

Alone In My Thoughts chapter 5

NOTICE:

(Just saying, if anyone IS reading this fic, you better thank XxSweetPocky-sanxX! Thanks for being my first reviewer!

_ENJOY THE STORY! (OH, and I'm still trying to decide if there should be a lemon in the end… What do you think?)_

**Amu Pov-**

I stared at the ground. Kukai had dropped the cake.

"What's wrong with 'ya, Amu?" Lulu asked me.

"I love chocolate cake…" I tried on a baby face, just like Yaya's. Instant attention.

"DO YOU WANT YAYA TO GET YOU SOME WATER!" Ahh, Yaya. You know I love you.

"I'LL GET SOME ICE CREAM!" Kukai, always reliable.

"Why don't you like vanilla?" Of course, Tadagay.

"Silly Amu-desu." Everyone paused. I looked up, and right above me was Su.

"SU!" I squealed, hugging her without breaking her magical little body. I looked over and saw Miki and Ran. They still had "X"s, but they hatched.

"Hey, you guys. Long time no see." I smiled, and they both joined the hug. Even "X" characters have hearts.

"Where's Dia?.." I asked Su, hoping she knew. Su only shook her head slowly.

"Oh, okay…" I said, fighting back tears.

"HEY! Let's get a new cake!" One of the boys shouted, and everyone went to the door.

"We'll bring back our charas too!" Nadeshiko yelled to me.

"Okay! Hurry back!"

I guess I was all alone… I turned, my back facing the door, and looked out the windows, watching the sun go down. I sighed and rested my chin on my hand.

"You miss them, don't you, Amu?" Miki asked, sadly.

"Yeah… I do. I regret everything bad I have done, I regret praying for Ami. Maybe if I hadn't, she'd be here today. I regret not giving my mother enough love. I regret not helping my father… I regret not telling anyone. I regret being a coward and putting that blade to my wrist. I regret making you sad. I regret ruining myself."

"Amu- chan…" The three charas said at the same time.

"Guys, how is it possible? I hate myself. I hate everything I've done, I hate my life… Yet I love you all? Am I selfish? I hate that I depend on you three, and Dia, so much. I hate me. Now, I hate my life, not my character, so don't you dare go back into your eggs again! If you did… I don't know what I'd do to myself…" Silent tears fell down my face.

"Amu chan, we love you!" Ran sobbed, and hugged me.

"But I killed them! I'm the reason they're gone! I love, and they leave. It's like a curse. You guys left too!" I continued sobbing, rolled up in a ball, behind my hospital bed.

**Normal Pov-**

Little did Amu know, during her confession to her charas, her friends had already returned. Waiting outside the door, listening to everything she went through, everything she felt.

**Ikuto Pov-**

"Amu…" I think the others agreed with me. Even our charas looked saddened. We needed to help her, and I knew of two people, possibly three, in this very group who felt the same way…

"Guys, I'm starting a club to help prevent cutting. After all, that's why Amu's in the hospital right now…"

There were a few gasps of shock. Only Utau and I knew about Amu's problem.

"So, if you would like to, join. Please, for Amu. You don't have to cut yourself, this group is just to vent a little, you know, release stress. That's the reason that people cut, to release pain."

I watched as one person in particular flinched. Okay, there are three people in this group that I need to be worried about.

"Anyway, join, please. We'll just talk about life in general. You don't have to sign up, just show up. We won't tell anyone about the group unless they need the group. More details will be told this Thursday in the gym. 3:15-5:00pm. The first meeting. Any questions?" I finally finished, relieved no one interrupted. Rima's hand rose.

"Yes, Rima?" I asked.

"What is the group called?" She asked, in an interested tone.

"Cookie Cutters, an organization, created by myself, disguised as a cooking club." I answered. Everyone seemed to want to join.

"Is there an adult?" Kairi asked.

"Shit, I forgot that part…" I face palmed.

"My older sister is qualified. She was going to be a guidance counselor, but changed her mind after three years of classes. Pretty stupid if you ask me… Oh, anyway, she's not busy on Thursdays, so I'm sure she could supervise." Kairi finished, and we were all in a pretty good mood, knowing we could help Amu. We opened the door, our charas holding a new chocolate cake, and she pretended to be happy.

"Amu?" I softly called to her.

"Yeah, Ikuto?" She replied.

"You want to hang out after school on Thursday?" The rest of the group turned and looked at me, shocked. They didn't expect me to trick her into it.

"Sure!" She answered happily.

"It's a date." I winked and kissed her cheek. She turned really red, and she was muttering words that we couldn't understand. Steam was coming out of her ears.

"Aww, Amu-koi. Would you burst if I tried this?…" I took the chance, while everyone was looking. I leaned in and captured her lips in mine. Our charas formed a huge wall with their bodies so the rest of the group couldn't see us. It was nice of them, and Su's idea. Of course it would one of Amu's charas.

"Amu, come here." I motioned her to the bathroom. She followed quickly.  
>"AHH, Okay Ikuto! You can help me brush my hair!" She yelled nervously. The lie easily detected. I pulled her in with me.<p>

**MILD SEXUAL BEHAVIOR! Please hush children and or turn off all cell phones at this time. Thank you. c:  
><strong>

**Amu Pov-**

As soon as we got in the bathroom, he pushed me against the wall, our legs intertwined. This feeling came over me, and I pushed him back, attacking his lips. I wanted more of him than I could get. He licked my lip, asking for access, and I granted it to him.

**Ikuto Pov- **

We got in the bathroom, and I knew I wanted one thing. Her. I guess she felt the same way, cause next thing I know, she's attacking my face… I liked it. I licked her bottom lip, ready to go further. She allowed me, and we fought back and forth for what seemed like seconds. I chara changed with Yoru and used my tail to pull her closer to my body. I just couldn't get enough… Amu broke off the kiss.

"My sexy kitty cat…" She whispered in my ear, turning me on quite a bit, and then she moved to softly bite my ear. I moaned. She giggled.

"I'm sorry my moans sound funny, Amu." I said teasingly.

"No, don't be. They make me happy…" Amu's eyes showed nothing but a mix of lust and love. I leaned down and licked her neck, making her gasp.

"Amu… I love you. I have always loved you, since childhood." Her eyes showed only love and happiness right now. She leaned in, grinding on me slightly. I moaned.

**Amu Pov-**

Ikuto… I've loved you for so long!... I leaned in to get closer to him, wanting him. I heard him moan.

"Ikuto… I realized that I loved you when you told me my own feelings. You know me better than I do, and I need to know you better than you do… You helped save me from myself…" I whispered, scared.

He tipped my head up, cupping my chin in his hand.

"Amu. I will save you. Not help. I will be the one to rescue you." With that, he kissed me, with all the passion available in his heart. I forgot about everything else in the room, until I heard a loud coughing. We both looked over to find Nagihiko and Yaya looking at us awkwardly.

**MAKING OUT SCENE OVER. BUT DON'T TURN ON YOUR CELL PHONES OR CHILDREN UNTIL OUT OF THE BUILDING! Thank you... Again.  
><strong>

**Still Amu Pov-**

"Ummm, everyone is leaving, we'll see you guys tomorrow!" With that, Yaya and Nagihiko left to catch up with the rest of the group. Ikuto and me were left alone.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Bye Amu… I love you." Ikuto walked out the door, and shut it behind himself.

A song came on the radio...

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air_

_If I should die before I wake, It's 'cause you took my breath away_  
><em>Losing you is like living in a world with no air.<em>

_I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave. My heart won't move, it's incomplete._  
><em>Wish there was a way that I can make you understand.<em>

_But how do you expect me, to live alone with just me?  
>'Cause my world revolves around you,<br>It's so hard for me to breathe.  
><em>

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air? Can't live, can't breathe with no air. It's how I feel whenever you ain't there. It's no air, no air  
><em>

_Got me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you gonna be without me.  
>If you ain't here, I just can't breathe. It's no air, no air<br>_

_No air, air  
>No air, air<br>No air, air  
>No air, air<br>_

_I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew. Right off the ground to float to you.  
>There's no gravity to hold me down for real.<em>

_But somehow I'm still alive inside, You took my breath, but I survived._  
><em>I don't know how, but I don't even care.<em>

_So how do you expect me? To live alone with just me?_  
><em>'Cause my world revolves around you, It's so hard for me to breathe<em>

_No air, air  
>No air, air<br>No air, air  
>No air, air<br>No more  
>It's no air, no air<em>

_No air, air  
>No air, air<br>No air, air  
>No air, air<em>

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air? Can't live, can't breathe with no air. It's how I feel whenever you ain't there, It's no air, no air._

_Got me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you gonna be without me,_  
><em>If you ain't here, I just can't breathe. It's no air, no air.<em>

_No air, air_  
><em>No air, air<em>  
><em>No air, air<em>  
><em>No air<em>

The song finished and I felt like crying. I missed Ikuto already… I ran out the door to find him leaning on a wall. He just smirked.

"Yo." I started crying and threw myself into his arms. He looked shocked…

"I thought you left me here, all alone!" I made out between sobs.

"I would never leave you, Amu. Keep in mind, I love you." He winked and carried me to the hospital bed.

"You need your sleep. You get to leave the hospital tomorrow and you will be busy all day. With me." He smirked and kissed me on the cheek while tucking me in.

"Ikuto?"

"Yeah, Amu?"

"Will you stay with me?" I moved over to make room. Ikuto slid into the bed and looked at me. We shared one long, passionate kiss, and I fell asleep with his arms wrapped around me, protecting me from danger.

"I love you, Ikuto."

"I love you too, Amu."

**Cookie: SEE? That was cute!**

**Amu: It's so romantic… :') I think I may cry.**

**Ikuto: I like the make-out scene… -wink-**

**Cookie: HAH! I finally made a chapter that you both like!**

**Ikuto/Amu: Congratz?**

**Cookie: ANYWAY, Rate and Review! Remember, I don't own Shugo chara or its characters! 3**


	6. The first Cookie Cutters meeting

_**Alone In My Thoughts, chapter 6**_

**Cookie: I just wanna say thank you for all the reviews. This is my first story, and I wasn't sure if it was any good… Also thanks for the tips, I'll work on making my chapters longer. AND JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, when I read the reviews, I had one of those happy temper tantrums… I'm a crazy person. I was giggling like a mad man and throwing my pillows at the wall… xD. Anyway, enjoy! + If you have any requests in the story, such as scenes, attitudes, characters, incidents, etc. Just let me know and I'll do what I can. :D**

**Amu Pov-**

I woke up to my alarm clock, also known as my moron. Today was Thursday, and I was REALLY nervous about seeing Ikuto after school. I was released from the hospital two days ago, and I'm now staying with Utau and Ikuto. Their parents were really understanding and got me my own room. They even hired professionals to decorate it. It was your average bedroom layout… Multiplied by four. There was enough room space to have a party, and my bed and rug were hot pink with colorful pillows, curtains, and lighting. The pillows and curtains both had patterns of clovers, red-blue-green-yellow. The lighting appliance was one of those abstract lamps with four different light bulbs. Each light shone a color from the pattern on the pillows/curtains. On top of the bed, she had chibi forms (Kind of like stuffed dolls?) of her charas, which were specially made for her. Her dresser's were black wood with glass tops (_IKEA! The best hide and seek gaming area), _and she was going shopping this weekend to fill them. Now to my moron. It was a pink frog with sweet puppy-dog eyes. It looked so helpless, saying nothing but BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP... I want to feed it... c:

I looked at the clock.

"7:56! SHIT!" I yelled. The bell rings at 8:15. I ran to Ikuto's room.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP? STUPID?" I screamed accusingly. He just rolled over… He slept in, too.

"IKUTO! Wake up! We're late!" He just covered his ears.

"What about after school?.." I asked in a whisper, sad that we wouldn't get to hang out as planned. He jumped out of bed, without a word, and started getting ready. I ran back to my room, threw on my school uniform, brushed my hair, put it in a messy high ponytail, grabbed my bag, and brushed my teeth.

"8:08! C'MON IKUTO!" I yelled, running to the kitchen and slipping a piece of toast into my mouth. Ikuto hurried down the stairs, grabbed and apple, and pointed to a limo. Utau was already inside the long car, waiting.

"WHY MUST YOU BOTH SLEEP IN?" She scolded both of us, and dark aura surrounding her.

"Sorry… Utau Sama." We both mumbled.

"Okay then. Driver, FASTER!" Suddenly the car jerked forward and we were going at least 70mph. We arrived at school, not late, at 8:13.

"C'MON WE HAVE TO RUN!" I freaked out and went into a sprint, not wanting to be late on my first day back. (She hadn't been at school at all for the past three months, and they had already passed out new schedules.) I made it to the main office, where I was told to sit and wait for a teacher to come and escort me to my next class. After 10 minutes of catching my breath, a teacher came. She seemed nice.

"Hello. I am Ms. Limment. Nice to meet you." She bowed, and then smiled, while holding out a hand. I shook it.

"Hi. I'm Hinamori Amu. Please take care of me." I said while bowing. Mrs. Limment walked me to my class.

"Nikaido Sensai?" Ms. Limment called to the teacher, who was taking the class roll.

"Yes? Ms. Limment?" He called back to her.

"I have your new student, Hinamori Ami!" She exclaimed excitedly, while pushing me into the class room.

"Well hello Ami, it's nice to meet you!" The teacher greeted, while Ms. Limment walked away.

"It's Amu, not Ami." I mumbled through my teeth, already holding back sobs from the back of my throat.

"Hmm? Ami-chan? I can't understand your mumbling… Ami? Ami? Himamori Ami?" I snapped.

"IT'S HINAMORI AMU!" I screamed, outraged. Why did he have to bring her up? He looked scared. I took the empty seat in the back and sat down. I put my head down so my tears weren't visible.

"Cool and Spicy!" One voice whispered.

"She's so cool! I wish I was like her, so reserved!" A girl said to her friend. I looked straight at her, and said with all the regret in my heart,

"There's **NOTHING** cool about being _me_." I put my head back down. People were staring at me, I could feel their eyes.

**Rima Pov-**

Nikaido Sensai, or as I like to call him, "The Idiot", was taking roll when a teacher came to the door. She suddenly yelled, "I have your new student! Hinamori Ami!" Oh no. She already messed up the name, and she called Amu "Ami"… Amu looked like she was going to snap. Me and Tadase looked at each other nervously. Nagihiko was about to offer to show Amu around when "The Idiot" started talking to her.

"Well hello Ami, it's nice to meet you!" Amu mumbled.

"Hmm? Ami-chan? I can't understand your mumbling… Ami? Ami? Himamori Ami?" I could tell the way her fist clenched that she had snapped.

"IT'S HINAMORI AMU!" She yelled at him, totally pissed, and sad. He looked shocked. She walked over to an empty desk by Airi-chan. Maybe they'll become friends, after all, Airi is pretty shy...

"Cool and Spicy!" Someone whispered.

"She's so cool! I wish I was like her, so reserved!" A girl said to her friend. Amu picked up her head and looked over at the girl. Her eyes were lifeless, filled only with sorrow and tears.

"There is **NOTHING** cool about being _me_." Amu spat. She put her head back down. I looked over and saw Airi looking at Amu… She had this emotion on her face… Empathy? It was almost as if she were looking into Amu's life. Her arm lifted, styling a dark purple arm warmer. She reached out to touch Amu, and stopped, realizing what she was doing.

"Interesting…" I whispered to myself. I wrote a note to Airi, asking if she would meet me in the gym after school. I passed it to her, she nodded yes.

The bell rang, signaling lunch time. Nagihiko, Nadeshiko, Tadase, Airi, Amu, and I stayed in the classroom to eat lunch. Nagihiko was the first to speak.

"Amu… You went a little wild back there. You okay?" We all waited for an answer. She looked up at us, smiling. We all knew it was fake.

"It's okay, I just got a little worked up. I better say sorry to the teacher.." We all laughed, remembering the look on his face. I walked around the desks to Amu, and hugged her around the neck from behind.

"Feel better. Be happy." I mumbled. She smiled, a real smile.

"Thanks, Rima." I nodded, and looked over to Airi. She was zoning out. She's so joining the group, whether she wants to or not.

The bell rang, and lunch ended. The last two hours of school were boring, as usual, and FINALLY the last bell rang. Ikuto came into the classroom. He passed me a note and then went to Amu. They left the classroom smiling at each other.

The note read:

"Dear Rima,

I'll be at the meeting by 3:20. I'm going to get Amu to open up a little bit more before I bring her. Try to improvise, do a comedy act. Thanks.

-Ikuto"

I told the rest of the gang that Ikuto and Amu would be late. We decided to go get some ice cream before they got back. Even Airi came with us. She's really fun, once you get to know her.

**Amu Pov-**

Ikuto and I walked to the park, hand in hand. I had told him about the incident in the classroom, and he listened to every word without interrupting. We sat down on a bench.

"Amu?" He started a new conversation.

"Hmm?" I asked while looking up at a squirrel in the trees. It was so careless…

"How do you do it, alone?"_**(LMAO, That's what she said!)**_ How do I do it alone?.. I'm not sure… I think I know how.

"Actually, I can't. I mean, you're here with me now. I'm not alone." I replied, feeling secure with him right there.

"What about before, Amu? How were you strong?" Before… When I would hurt myself repeatedly.

"I'm not strong, Ikuto. I never was. I'm a coward who runs away." Tears fell, along with the mascara that I had thrown on this morning. He hugged me, and whispered in my ear.

"Amu, can we help you?" I thought for a moment.

"Who's we?" I asked.

"All of your friends. Everyone who feels the same way as you. We will all help each other." I wanted that help. I had wanted it since my sister was found.

"Y-Yes." My voice cracked. He hugged me again, and then I went to the water fountain to rinse my face of mascara and tears. We left and went back to the school.

"Ikuto, why are we at the school?" I questioned as we walked into the gym. I gasped. Inside the gym, circled, sat my friends, and the girl I saw at lunch. Her dark hair made her hazel eyes glow… She was really pretty. Wait, why was she here?

"Amu, Airi. Airi, Amu." Tadase introduce us, and we looked at one another. We looked different, yet the same… When I looked into her eyes, I felt like I was looking at myself.

"Hi." She whispered, staring at me. I nodded, not taking my eyes off her. The whole group stared at our reactions to each other, and Rima just nodded while smirking.

"I told you so." She said to Utau. Even she was shocked.

"What do you mean?" Airi and I asked in unison. We both giggled a little.

"I told the group that you two were similar. They didn't see it, so I told them to watch as you were both introduced to each other. NOW, they see it." Rima finished. Wow, is Rima psychic or something?

"No, I'm not psychic. Now, Kukai, you owe me $20." Rima added.

Airi and I both covered our mouths. I guess we were thinking the same thing about Rima being psychic. The group saw how freaked out we were and started laughing.

"OMG YOU GUYS ARE LIKE SEPERATED SISTERS!" Kukai yelled while laughing.

"…" I didn't say anything, so I just looked at the floor. Airi looked out the window, remembering the past.

"Way to kill the mood, Kukai." Ikuto mumbled.

"Sorry..." Kukai whispered.

"ANYWAY. This is the "Cooke Cutters Circle Group", also known as "Cookie Cutters Cutting Prevention Organization". Today is the first meeting of the year, and we will be supervised by none other than, Kairi's older sister, Yukari San." Just as Ikuto said her name, Yukari kicked down the doors and walked into the gym.

"I'm ready to teach the children!" She said, and we all recoiled, afraid of what she meant. We saw she had a girl behind her. Probably about 18, maybe 19?

"Oh, and this is Yukimi Tomochi. She's a family friend and is joining the club!" She slapped Yukimi's back and she stumbled forward.

"Don't worry Yukimi, you can help me supervise for the most part." Yukari assured.

"She has guardian charas!" Kiseki exclaimed, pointing at Yukimi.

"Ahh, you got me." Two charas flew from behind Yumiki.

"This is Kira." Yukimi said, pointing to her first chara.

**Just a note, it's not my character or my charas, so I'm just going to copy and paste the appearance descriptions for now! xD**

Kira has long, slightly wavy, red hair and bright blue eyes. She wears a black and red Wa-loli dress; the top is a black kimono top, edged in red with red and white butterflies on the bottom of the kimono sleeves and a red with ruffled black edging obi, the skirt is red, edged in black, with a "double hem" and a black tulle underskirt. Her shoes are platform, knee-high, gothic combat-type boots with a pair of red ruffled top knee-high socks. Kira wears an Xeranthemum in her hair.

"Nice to meet you. I love all gothic things and Japan. I am also Yumiki's wise character, which was what she needed. That's why I'm here after all." Kira bowed to us and tipped her head to the side. Then she flew over to Airi and started observing her arm warmer.

"Kawai." Was all she said. We sweat dropped.

"Next is Mai."

A different chara sat on Yumiki's shoulder. She had short dark purple hair, and radiant silver eyes. She had a casual outfit. A loose blue flower shirt, straight leg jeans, and purple low top oxford converses. She had a necklace with a happy/sad masks pendant on it.

"Nice to meet you. You are all wonderful people!" Mai twirled in a circle.

"Heh, Mai is my love for acting and dancing, performing in general. She also helps me with reading and she cheers me up." Yukimi said, while sitting in a chair.

We all got a better look at Yukimi. She had REALLY long dark grey hair, floor length actually. It had purple highlights in it, and she had glowing violet/silver eyes. She had really clear and creamy skin, and she was wearing a dark navy blue/dark grey wa-lolita dress. It showed her figure and her legs. She looked to be about 5'4'', but the length of the dress and her boots made her look taller. She had something on the inside of her wrist, but I couldn't tell what it was. She noticed us staring.

"What?" She asked, slightly annoyed. Kira whispered in her ear.

"They think you look cool… And pretty." Kira said, while motioning to the staring teens.

"Oh, well.. Okay then. Go on with the lesson."

We all sat down in the circle and started introducing our charas. Airi was able to see the charas, but she didn't have one… Yet?

At the end of the meeting I felt a little more confident. I told Ikuto and Utau, and they both hugged me. A little too tightly, but oh well. Utau and I ended up having a small sleepover, to celebrate, just her and I, but I fell asleep during Saw 3 with my head in a bowl of popcorn. I woke up the next morning to Ikuto wiping butter off my face and Utau laughing at pictures of me while sleeping on the buttery goodness. She quickly uploaded the pictures off her phone and onto the computer, where she posted them for all our friends to see. Thanks a lot, Utau. -_-

**Cookie: Okay? How was it?**

**Amu: It was okay… ish.**

**Cookie: -cries-**

**Mai: Feel better! Cookie Chan! :D**

**Cookie: -sobbing- THANK YOU MAIII! **

**Ikuto: OH SHUT UP.**

**Cookie: -sighs- I tried to have ONE MOMENT! You ruined it. -glares at Ikuto-**

**Cookie Again: nehe. :3 . ****Cuppycake, I need to know if you have a chara and what they look like/ do. Thanks! ****There will also be a few confessions within the group… Those three people who you don't know about yet… BAHAHA. Sorry it takes so long to update these chapters, I mean, to type one alone takes me hours. (Today, 10:00am- 3:00pm) And I didn't even stop to take a break! My mother brought me french fries during the "Park Scene". So… I'm happy! NEHEHE. I do not own shugo chara or its characters! Thanks to my reviewers and a special thanks to cuppycakelol and Amu Tsukiyomi for the character ideas! I'll be using your characters more throughout the story.**

**I LOVE YOU ALL (not really ^~^)**

**RATE AND REVIEW! :D :D :D :D  
><strong>


	7. Authors Note again I'VE FOUND HOPE!

**Cookie: Hey! Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while... To tell the truth, writing this story is a way of venting, so I actually am a troubled person... T_T. ANYWAY, Last night, I was with my friends, and we were all reading fanfics (LOL) and I had a spark of hope... In a way, I feel like I can write again. :D So, this next chapter WILL BE GOOD! Oh, and until further notice, I'm not needing any more OCs. TANK U! 3  
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